Honesty in love...

So I am sitting at home after a long full day and an evening of laughter and wonderful company. I sit now with my thoughts of where I am in life and how different it is than where I saw myself. I stumble not only for words right now but I struggle to form the thoughts that utter those words. I cannot make sense of the place I am. I cannot explain how I got here. I know that I am where my feet stand firmly grounded on the Rock. However, my heart wavers on contentment. My heart had desire and love wrapped up in the idea of where I would be standing today. My mind saw a very different picture. And yet where I stand that vision is not only gone but deminished. The thoughts I had once are now now just memory, but vacancy. On hard nights I would call this loss. But I am reminded of the God that allows me to see Will rather than loss. My God shows me time and time again that in seeking HIM I will find HIS will and there is no loss in the will, but rather a better vision than my heart dreamt up for myself.

I faithfully follow keeping my eyes on HIM...afterall a friend kindly reminded me the other day that if my heart is completely His then the guy who will chose to dance through life with me...will find me there. I struggle just as anyone else to see friends and family move into other phases of this so called "life" but...my life is not different unless I chose to let it be. My life offers the same joy, love and happiness...simply in other forms.

Ryan Adams has a song that states "I know it’s not a game, But it feels like losing when someone you love throws you away" BUT I must remember that the one God intends to love me will imitate the Love of my God. And that love, no matter the disappointment, will constantly support what I have been convicted of all my life.

I choose constantly to love people that dont always show the same respect. And my heart continues to face changes to make me a better person. The one called to walk with me hand in hand will have sought the same in life and will able to love me and realize how lucky we both are.