New Years Resolution.

So for years, my resolutions have always been for myself. This entire year I have been going through a transition of sorts. I dont know really how to describe it other than to say a transition. Where your perspective alters to give way for new insight! This affected my resolution as well. And forgive the brutal honesty...but it takes less effort to be honest than to explain without disclosure. :)

So. At 28 and single...most people would want to find that special someone to share their life with. And don't get me wrong...I would love to find him. But my efforts are in vain. To focus on something out of your control is a concept of wasted time.
So. To get in shape and become a physically attractive female. Countless hours in the gym and diet and regiment. Could be enjoyable. But not exactly what I want to put my focus on this year either.
So. Although I would love to be better at what I do, I already spend 55-60+ hours at work a week. So having a goal of making more of it is not my idea of a resolution either.

I don't want to be concerned with my status, my job standing or my physique this year. I am honestly happy with all such things. That is until I focus on it. When you focus on something enough you begin to pick it apart to reveal all the faults, regrets and negatives. Maybe this is the reason I don't want to focus on those things. I want to focus on something bigger.

In everything I do, the OCD nature comes through, and I need to see it through to completion. I don't start something until I know I can finish it. (Success or failure aside) But this year I want to be a part of something that I cant see through. Something so big that the buck doesn't stop here. I just want to play a part in a bigger picture.

So it begins. I could not sleep last night, due to the inevitable thoughts of how life would have been so different if my actions would have in some way been different. (Hate those thoughts with a passion) And as I lay there trying hard to clear my mind I got fed up. It seems we are all bred to let our minds play the "what if" game. Who am I to envelope my perspective. There is a bigger world out there and if I can get past the microscope on my own self, I have the opportunity to be a part of something that is bigger. And when the focus went that direction it caused me to see that I have a wonderful family and great friends, A job I am very proud to work every day! A home that I love to come home to. Gifts and talents that I can use. And a faith that through many trials over the past 10 years has remain steadfast! And a God that has reminded me on multiple occasions that ... In holding my future, He held this too. He held every painful moment just as He did every joyful one.

So my New Year Resolution for 2010 is to play a small role in something that goes beyond me. Using the gifts God has given me, the talents I enjoy in order to accomplish something for others.

Ideas are brewing and the plan is manifesting. And I hope many of you will want to partake. :) Once a month for the year 2010 there will be a meal. I will cook, and you are all invited. Admission will be announced each month along with the themes. Seems simple, however, it gives way to an opportunity in which we can be a huge blessing to other ministries and other people in the community! Please email me if you are interested in being a part of this!

Hope you all have a wonderful New Years! And in whatever role, thank you for being a part of my life! I have big expectations for 2010...and it feels good that none of those expectations are for me individually! :)